Discovery Channel

I prefer Valium to Valentines this year (stupid economy) especially since my Valiumtine is on a prolonged business trip (stupid war.)

The legal nurse consultant work-study program is plodding along a lot slower than I had anticipated. Despite the open book quizzes and exams, something (HGTV, dog walking, chocolate consumption, needlepoint projects) always seems to take priority...top off the procrastination soup with some fresh shaved prescription anxiolytics and welcome to the team!


Discovery is pre-trial devices used by one party to obtain info regarding the case from the other party. You can't hide pertinent information from the other side despite the fantastic the plot twist (I'm looking at you John Grisham.) Discovery includes requests for the production of things (ex: people) and documents (ex: psych records.)

Discovery sounds a lot like scut work, of which I am a huge fan. I ask you, what could be more soothing than repetitive tasks (IV insertion) designed to elicit information (patient history) and gain skill (practice, practice, practice)? Almost as satisfying as spending an afternoon on the couch eating chocolate, with the dogs, watching TV while zooming on benzodiazapines.

Mmmmmm Torts

Via Wikipedia: This article is about legal torts. For cakes, see Torte.

I love tortes.
Some might say that a pear torte is as delicious as a chocolate layer torte with Dutch cocoa frosting.
Lunacy, I know.
Tortes are palate cleansers for the real dessert: chocolate.

Sidebar: I would love to see a dessert menu listing a selection of Nuisance, Economic, Toxic, and Property Tortes. I'll have the toxic torte with a side of quasi-intentional infliction of emotional duress.

Back to Torts.
From the Latin word "torquere" which means "to twist."
Torts are a civil wrong committed against a person, place or thing.

Considering that Tort derives from a word meaning "to twist" you can imagine how the definition of negligence can bend. Throw into the pot the possibility of a financial windfall....and, well, you can do the math.

Long (double-jointed) arm of the law.

It has been brought to my attention that my degree from Law and Order isn't considered a professional doctorate in jurisprudence

Poop.

So I've taken a hiatus from bedside nursing (not enough humor and way too much drama) and returned to school to obtain a certificate in legal nurse consulting (LNC.) On-line. Self-paced. Apparently Kaplan University is more academic than 10 plus years of due diligence watching L&O: all 3 versions.

I'm not a huge fan of Internet education, but this program fits into my busy schedule of Pilate's, walking the dogs, Junior League meetings and house renovations. The LNC program is designed to help me bulk up on legitimate legal muscle so that upon my release into society (7-12 months based on good grades) I can officially bust some heads. (Head busting includes but is not limited to reading and translating medical records, assisting the plaintiff(s) or defendant(s) to determine case merit, standards of care and ethics, medical errors, toxic torts etc.)

The going rate for head busting is $75-200/hour.
My rate as an ER nurse was $33.67/hour.
That is with shift differential and 5 years experience.

And we wonder why there is a global nursing crisis

So who did it?

It was the dogs, with the vacuum, in the stairwell that caused me to fall and break my ankle in 2 places. The ankle was also displaced (see: dislocated) but I gathered my nursestar superpowers and shoved the bones back in place. And then I vomited.

The pain lets you know you are alive.

A few of my favorite (legal) things:

Legal pads
Legal Seafood
Legal Eagles