Long (double-jointed) arm of the law.

It has been brought to my attention that my degree from Law and Order isn't considered a professional doctorate in jurisprudence

Poop.

So I've taken a hiatus from bedside nursing (not enough humor and way too much drama) and returned to school to obtain a certificate in legal nurse consulting (LNC.) On-line. Self-paced. Apparently Kaplan University is more academic than 10 plus years of due diligence watching L&O: all 3 versions.

I'm not a huge fan of Internet education, but this program fits into my busy schedule of Pilate's, walking the dogs, Junior League meetings and house renovations. The LNC program is designed to help me bulk up on legitimate legal muscle so that upon my release into society (7-12 months based on good grades) I can officially bust some heads. (Head busting includes but is not limited to reading and translating medical records, assisting the plaintiff(s) or defendant(s) to determine case merit, standards of care and ethics, medical errors, toxic torts etc.)

The going rate for head busting is $75-200/hour.
My rate as an ER nurse was $33.67/hour.
That is with shift differential and 5 years experience.

And we wonder why there is a global nursing crisis